Lesbian and loving it

She’s the quintessential Indian beauty. Limpid, almond eyes. Lustrous long, dark hair. Petite, graceful. And gay.

I walked into Club Kali, a ‘lesbian friendly’ nightclub, expecting a room full of butch women. And left with all my pre-conceived notions altered. In fact, I’ve rarely seen so many stunning Indian women in one place during all my time in London.

The plan was to celebrate a friends’ birthday and brush up on my rusty Bollywood moves at the club. 

I had no idea what to expect at Club Kali. And found find myself burning up the dance floor at 3 am, in what was surely one of the most relaxed clubs I’ve ever been to.

Perhaps it’s the lack of testosterone. But this place was so chilled out, it was as if they were pumping love hormones in the air. No grabbing hands. No preying men. Just a few couples kissing quietly in dark corners. The rest were dancing with incredible energy to the latest Bollywood tracks.

The need to drink copious amounts of alcohol didn’t seem all-consuming, unlike most other clubs. So no broken bottles and puddles of puke in the toilets. Grim but that is the reality of going out on a Saturday night in most cities in the UK.

However a trip to the ladies was an interesting experience. While it says ’Ladies’ on the door, once you walk in – there’s the strangest assortment of pretty young women, older Indian men in saris and young men who are obviously not young men.  So obviously the term ‘ ladies’ is flexible.

Club Kali was surreal. There were peacock hued saris adorned by a million glittering crystals that caught the myriad disco lights. They were gajras made of jasmine flowers snaking across jet black chottis. Glass bangles clink clinked to keep time with the pulsating beats.  But look closer and you could see that not all of these were Indian women – a lot of these sari-clad apparitions were in fact middle-aged Indian men. Now that is a sight you would not see in India.

It got me thinking about how confusing it must be growing up gay in India. Like millions of others, I grew up on a diet of mainstream Bollywood films.

The macho hero always beat up mustachioed villains and rescued the demure sari-clad (always ‘wet’ of course) heroine from his clutches.  She then batted her eyelashes coyly at the hero. 

There are no Hindi films where the heroine pines for her best friend or flirts with the other girls in her gang. Or where the hero flashes his muscles as he walks past the boys in the neighbourhood. I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult and utterly confusing that must be, to know that you are so different from everyone around you.

While life in India is always warm, supportive and nurturing – there is just no room for alternative sexuality.

There is certainly no place for it in Indian society.  As a typical Indian, your life is mapped out for you. You finish your degree, find a ‘good’ job, get married, have kids and so on. The only ‘gay’ most Indians understand is to do with being jolly in a party.

So for the regulars at Club Kali, it’s probably a bit like being back in India. With one, all-important difference – you can be gay or straight or anything in between here, it’s all acceptable.

The screens played clips from films starring Madhuri Dixit, Madhu Bala and Shilpa Shetty. And I realised for the first time, how Bollywood is such a perfect gay icon with its over-the-top costumes and doomed, dramatic gestures.

There was a point in the evening when I stopped dancing and just stood back looking at everyone around me. The room was full of laughter, rhythm, mad costumes, gender confusion – and pure, uninhibited fun.

My night at Club Kali was an eye opener in many ways. Not all of it was serious.

I discovered that I was rather popular among the clubbers here.  But the flirting was light, non-threatening. Once someone realised that I was straight, they paid me generous compliments and left me alone.

One of the highlights of the evening was a certain lady/gentleman who came up to me and said, “Gosh, you are beautiful. Are you a lesbian?” I exclaimed, “No!” He/she swayed in the most dramatic fashion, eyes rolled heavenwards and said, “ What a waste!”

Very complimentary.  I thought.